Emotional Intelligence

Emotional Intelligence

Have you ever come away from a conversation thinking, “They just don’t understand what I’m trying to say”?

We come into contact with all kinds of people every day. Feeling this way after talking to a relative stranger isn’t a big problem. Sometimes people don’t click. But when you end up feeling like this towards someone you work with, there’s are bigger issues at play.

In this blog, we’re going to explore the subject of emotional intelligence at work, explain why being an emotionally intelligent leader matters, and pick out some common signs that may suggest someone is lacking in emotional intelligence.

What is emotional intelligence?

According to Harvard Business School, emotional intelligence is ‘the ability to understand and manage your own emotions, as well as recognise and influence the emotions of those around you’. The term was coined in the early 1990s and made popular by the psychologist Daniel Goleman who wrote a book about it.

Every human being goes through a range of feelings every single day. Emotional intelligence describes the ability to manage these emotions ourselves as well as within the relationships we have with people. Some of us are better at doing this than others.

A story about emotional intelligence

Ailsa had started a new job. She had just been made redundant from a role she loved in a team and organisation she loved working for. It was an emotionally difficult time, but she found a new role fairly quickly. The new job was in a different sector so there was a lot for her to learn, and it was a much longer commute from home than she was used to. She was driving over an hour a day more than in her previous role.

Any new job takes a while to adjust to, but this one took Ailsa a little longer than most. She was enjoying the new challenge, but just couldn’t shake the sadness of having to leave the people and work she loved. She was optimistic and determined that she could make it work. She just needed time to adjust.

After a month in role, Ailsa had a performance review with her manager. Colleagues had commented that Ailsa was quiet in meetings and perhaps not as enthusiastic as her peers about working for the company.

Ailsa explained to her manager that, while she was enjoying the new challenge, she was very tired from the commute and having to take on board so much new information in a short space of time. She confessed she was also missing her old job and colleagues.

Her manager’s response? Fake it.

Her manager suggested she mask her real emotions and pretend she was happy to be there until she genuinely felt that way. Ailsa was shell-shocked and vowed never again to share her emotions with her manager.

Ailsa’s manager listened, but failed to understand or empathise with her situation, highlighting a distinct lack of emotional intelligence.

Why leaders require emotional intelligence

Emotional intelligence is important in any work environment. Working in such close proximity with colleagues everyday, leaders need to be able to read the mood in the room and adjust their approach to fit. This is perhaps even more challenging now so many of us are working remotely.

As a leader, you need to develop self-awareness to understand your own feelings before you can address those of other people. Recognising your emotions and why you feel that way is the first step to becoming emotionally intelligent. You can then go on to use those skills to shape your view and approach to situations.

Once you understand your personal feelings and emotions you become more switched on to how others are feeling. Developing empathy to understanding others’ feelings enables you to adapt the way you behave and communicate.

What happens when a manager isn’t emotionally intelligent?

From a personal perspective, failing to admit, understand and manage your own emotions can lead to stress and impact your wellbeing and happiness.

When a leader fails to demonstrate emotional intelligence it can quickly create negativity and hostility within the team. Emotionally unintelligent leaders may find it difficult to connect with others. They are often poor communicators who withhold information or say what they want to say without considering the impact on the person or people they are addressing.

As a result, employees:

• Lack trust and confidence in their manager

• Don’t feel confident to speak out and express how they’re feeling

• Don’t understand what’s expected of them

• Feel misunderstood or not at all understood

• Have disagreements, grievances and create conflict.

The benefits of being an emotionally intelligent leader

Emotionally intelligent leaders are stronger performers and generally more successful at work. Simply by understanding how to channel their emotions in positive ways.

Emotional intelligence:

• Builds resilience against adversity

• Makes communicating difficult messages easier

• Supports better decision making because you’re aware of what’s going on with your team and how they might react

• Encourages open, honest communication and a culture of sharing

• Equips leaders with the skills to build trust and motivate their team

• Builds healthier relationships with an increased sense of wellbeing for everyone

• Allows people with different personalities to perform well, develop and be more productive as a team

Spotting the emotional signs that something isn’t right

The ability to notice and identify emotions in yourself and your team is a leadership skill. Common examples include:

1. Lack of connection - with an individual or your team. Is there someone who doesn’t communicate openly or with whom you don’t feel a rapport? Do your team keep things from you?

2. Frustration - do you get easily triggered by certain behaviours, such as underperformance, carelessness or lateness?

3. Stress - can you spot the early signs of stress and burnout?

Being able to identify common emotions is the first step in emotional intelligence. Knowing what action to take when you spot them is a true sign of an emotionally intelligent manager.

When emotional displays become persistent or overwhelming, it’s time to do something about them. For example, someone who is always angry could be using it as a way of dealing with underlying sadness. An employee who appears not to care might be feeling demotivated.

It’s your role as a manager to recognise the signs and intervene with appropriate action.

How to become an emotionally intelligent manager

If you’re interested in developing your skills and learning how to become an emotionally intelligent manager, join our free Lunch & Learn webinar on 11 July 2023. We’ll show you the steps to take to move from “They don’t understand what I’m trying to say” to “My manager completely gets me”. Reserve your place here.

Further reading

For more management development food-for-thought, take a look at our blogs Being a Good Leader and Communicating and Handling Conflict.

How we can help you

If you would like to discuss any of the issues raised in this blog, please get in touch with us on 0161 941 2426. We’re here to help.