How to escape the manager 'friend zone'

Is it possible to be both a friend and a manager? Can you be your team member’s best buddy and their boss? Leading a team comes with some interesting challenges and finding yourself in the ‘friend zone’ at work is one of them.

As a manager you want to be liked and get along well with your team. It’s natural to want to feel involved in what’s going on. You want colleagues to know you’re approachable and there to support your team. Sociability is part of what makes coming to work each day such a pleasant and rewarding experience. On the other hand, you can’t be the nice guy all the time. If you want to succeed in your role, sometimes you have to make tough decisions instead of making friends.

In this post, we’ll look at the triggers that push a manager into the friend zone, explore the risks of operating in that space, and open the door to the ‘emergency exit’.

How do managers end up in the ‘friend zone’?

Most managers don’t intentionally move into the friend zone with their team. It usually happens as a result of restructure, a promotion or a lack of leadership training and development. Let’s explore some common triggers...

• An employee finds themselves in a leadership role as a result of a restructure or management buyout. When a team member suddenly becomes a director or even CEO, it can be difficult to create distance between them and the team.

• Managers are not equipped to be leaders, e.g. they get promoted and carry on operating in a team member capacity because that’s the only way they know.

• It’s learned behaviour or a reaction to the way the person has been managed in the past.

• The manager has shied away from having brave and challenging conversations through fear that they will upset someone they consider to be a friend.

• The manager socialises informally with their team outside of work, engages with colleagues on social media and gets involved in workplace gossip.

• Some of us are people pleasers with a deep-down desire to be accepted by our peers.

Risks of being in the ‘friend zone’ as a manager

When you’re considered one of the team, rather than the person in charge of leading the team, several risks come in to play:

• You could lose respect and accountability if the team start to relax the rules and push the boundaries. It might start small, like not meeting a deadline, and could quickly escalate to something more serious.

• Colleagues may know too much about you through social media and other social situations, and the lines between your personal and work life could become blurred.

• You could be indecisive because you want to please everyone, making decisions based your emotions and how colleagues might react instead of choosing the best course of action for the organisation.

• You may be ineffective at time management, overlooking your role as a strategic thinker to focus on task-based actions.

• You might fail to point out poor or unacceptable performance through a desire to avoid conflict, which has a detrimental impact on productivity and engagement.

• If you lose sight of the overall strategy, your team may not understand the bigger picture and the role they play in it. This could lead colleagues to focus on day-to-day tasks rather than the end goal.

• Colleague learning and development may become neglected or skewed towards those colleagues you consider to be friends. Other team members could view this as favouritism and feel left out.

• Your own personal development could suffer as senior leaders may perceive you as ineffective.

• Productivity could dwindle and employee morale may begin to decline. Team members may start to look elsewhere for employment.

Strong, successful teams need strong, high performing leaders. Employees need managers they can look up to and respect, who demonstrate fairness, offer guidance and support, and empower them in their role.

Why it’s important to maintain distance between you and your team

So, can you be both a friend and a manager? The truth is you don’t have to decide between the two roles. Think back to a manager whom you consider to be a good leader. The likelihood is they were both friendly and supportive, consistent and fair, decisive and clear on what they expected from you. They probably made some tough calls whilst maintaining a level of respect from their team. It’s all about finding the right balance.

Keeping the manager/colleague relationship at an appropriate level can be difficult if you get along well with your colleagues. Even more so if you find yourself in a leadership role without appropriate tools and training. The good news is we have a solution to get you on track to exit the ‘friend zone’!

How to escape the ‘friend zone’

Are you stuck in a rut with your team? If you are concerned you might be slipping into the ‘friend zone’, why not book on to our free Lunch & Learn webinar on Tuesday 17th October at 1pm.

The ‘4 Zones of Leadership for High Performing Teams’ is a powerful tool you can use to identify how you’re currently managing and leading your team and what you can do to create high levels of team performance.

How to get out of the ‘friend zone’ and being taken seriously by your team is just one of the areas we will tackle. We’ll also look at how to balance the focus on achieving results versus maintaining relationships, and how to adapt your management approach to deliver high performance. In just one hour you’ll have tools and techniques at your fingertips to become a stronger leader and make the change you desire.

Without clear boundaries and strong, decisive leadership no team will be at their most productive. If you want to become a better leader to improve business results and people performance, book your place today. It could be the catalyst you’re looking for.

Further reading

For more insights on this subject, take a look at our blogs on The Foundations of Management, Employee Conduct and Being a Good Leader. You will also find more in-depth resources in our free ebooks area.

How we can help you

If you’d like to discuss any of the issues raised in this blog, get in touch with us today on 0161 941 2426. We’re here to help.